Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Intro: "Naked on the Internet" Panel

TB and I've decided to individually recap the perfectly marvelous
Museum of Sex Naked on the Internet panel,
then post our relative perspectives on our respective blogs.

It's writing exercise, but also it'll provide endlessly delicious entertainment for YOU, the reader.

For example: Was the "TB drops her Blackberry on the floor, thus attracting the attention of everyone in the room for about five seconds incident" different from TB's vantage point?

We've not exactly started this recap yet, 'cause TB actually had to do work today at her work,
which's unheard of,
and I broke off my "T" key this morning
and literally spent the entire day
trying to fix it.
And doing laundry while listening to 1984 on Audiobook, etc.

But it's coming. Pun possibly intended.


Viviane's photos, my edits:
You can see in these photos that I'm having a lot of very deep thoughts. Also you can see that the string of Lux Nightmare's tea's in a different position in each photograph. This's 'cause she kept fiddling with it, which may or may not've made me want to take the string, wrap it around my neck, and die. However, as you can see in the displays behind us, this probs woulda been interpreted as an "auto-erotic-asphyxiation" fetish, which I know all about from Law & Order: SVU and Six Feet Under and 'cause that's what I tell TB I'm doing when I'm actually doing other things, like enjoying a lemon wedge or a brief dangle from the ceiling.

Anyhow, luckily I didn't hang myself, because then everyone would've missed out on the fabulous panel! It went very well, I think, and Lux Nightmare: I forgive you for the tea-bag-string thing. I myself am very fidgety, and I've been told I develop strange habitual tics when speaking in public. We're lucky I didn't have a teabag string to fiddle with, otherwise I woulda driven everyone crazy.

"Being Driven Crazy/Driving People Crazy" is also a fetish: clearly, it's mine.

I came to MoSex for an opening this past February called "Kink." After looking around and licking some feet, Lo and I ended up sitting upstairs, dissecting and describing the hours that'd passed since we'd last really spoken; since I moved out in August. Upstairs is all video: screens and more screens, including the one in our corner, seven minutes of porn on repeat as innocuous as air. I don't remember what was in the scene, only that it was funny we could talk about serious things without acknowledging the fucking out of the corner of our eyes like so many other bodies passing our space: like our own. But I guess we do that all the time now, yeah? Like that rubber clown I kept seeing at the panel! Like, rubber clown, what's up dude? How's that clown nose? Kinky, yeah? [Wha?!!] Totes not judgin', just sayin'.

Goooooooooo sexxxxx!!!!


This time, Stephanie and her boyfriend came, Krista came, Matty came, Tara-D and Lainy and Vicki and Tara's cousin and of course TB and later we all had dinner at dragonfly in the West Village and Kristen came and it was an all-around really perfect evening. I'm really glad that I did it. Go Waking Vixen, Madeline in the Mirror, Ellen Fredrichs and Lux Nightmare! And that dude from Mahunt or whathaveyou with the children and the Escort Reviews!

Thanks, guys. You're all very kinky, and special, and you can all have a pony and/or a monkey, whatever your adorable heart desires, and also the Superpower of your choice.

P.S. I still do not have a phone. It's funny, I don't feel that different. It's not that I repress behavioral instincts to avoid making phone calls, it's that I have the same ones as usual, I just don't feel guilty about it.

P.P.S. Typing with a broken T key is so annoying though, I might have to get a phone.


Lux said...

Oh man! I'm so sorry about the tea thing. I'm really bad with drink containers -- I always peel labels off of drink bottles, too.

riese said...

Totes forgiven! Mostly I was jealous I didn't have a tea string to fiddle with. Luckily I didn't have a pen or paper, which usually lends itself to nonstop ADHD feats. I was actually kicked out of my initial head-shrinker's office for refusing to come to session without a toy (I was 14) that I could summarily deconstruct and leave shreds of all over the office while I refused to speak. If anyone'd asked "What's your primary principle of blogging?" I woulda been like "making fun of people for things that I also do, and then making fun of myself." "90210" was my totes cop out answer.

Jaime said...

So sad I couldn't make it. (I want to say something about how I'm obviously very bad at stalking you, but I don't know if that's too soon?) My roommate once peeled the label off my water bottle, and I had to get a new one - it made the bottle all sticky and dirty-looking. (I use the same poland spring bottle for weeks, refilling it and being cheap/poor but well-hydrated.) I'm also simultaneously the most annoying person and the one with the most amount of intense pet peeves. And sorta sick and so not connecting one sentence to the next. But back to the beginning, very sad I couldn't make it. I'm glad it went well.

TB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haviland said...

sounds like a time.
sad i couldn't be there!

kate said...

hey riese,
I don't know if this helps with the hijacked page or not - you might have already tried this but.... does tb have a e-mail account? If she does tell her to check it - it might take an hour or so- and the username/password that clementa is using should be there (fingers crossed) then log in and change it again. If she doesn't have an account with them or it doesn't show up in the e-mail let me know and i'll give something else a go.
break a leg...

TB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kate said...

hey tb did you already have an account with them? if not there might be you want to email me and let me know the e-mail address you set up your blog account with? i'll give something else a go...

Razia said...

Deakin! I'm transferring there, if I don't get into Melbourne that is. Anyway, onto the blog...I soo wish that someone would ask me to be on a panel about sex, how great is that. Oh, and I learnt about that asphyxiation thing through SVU as well, how many times did they use that???

kate said...

hey Razia, which campus are you looking at transferring to? let me know if you need any info on anything!

riese said...

Razia: Hello! I would like to say something about Law and Order: SVU. There's an episode that opens with a woman strangled hanging from her ceiling that I swear they re-ran like 10 GAZILLION times. Also SIDE NOTE: Mariska Hargitay is hot. I wrote this article about her once. Also, my girlfriend is hot. She just told me that I've lost my mind because I super-glued a Jack Kerouac postcard to my desk. The only reason I did that is cause I opened the super glue bottle to try to super glue my "T" key to my keyboard, which obvs did not work, and now it's just balanced just So, and then the super glue thing wouldn't open, so I had to cut it open, and then it leaked on the desk, and then It was getting everywhere, so I had to put something on top of it, so I put this postcard on top of it and now it's stuck there forever. That's okay. I got this desk for free from a whorehouse, 'cause the owner was getting a new desk from Ikea and putting her old desk out on the street.

Anyhow where was I? Oh right. My blog.

jaime: Totes O.K.! Razia and I are gonna have our own panel called "How SVU has fucked up our perspective of various sexual fetishes." I don't connect sentences either, and I'm glad that you have the same other problems I have too.

tb: I know where the bathroom is at that B+N. It's in the kids section on the right side.

Haviland: I love you.

Kate: You're awesome.

Razia: See above.

Razia said...

kate: um you know what, i have no idea. Wherever the school of economics is...?? I'm only applying through VTAC in Nov so I've got a bit of time to go. What are you studying there? I'm nervous about transitioning to Melbourne, I never thought I'd leave Syd really.

riese: Is that the episode where it turns out her two best friends killed her bc the three of them raped a male stripper at a bachelorette party and she was going to confess? Yay, SVU panel!! Although, we may run out of things to talk about seeing that all their episodes were based on either death by asphyxiation, molestation, incest, rape or sometimes a combination of some. Then you can talk about how you think Mariska Hagarityeuhsjh (sp?) is hot and I can talk about how I'm traumatised by the fact that my friend crushes on Stabler and Stabler looks like my dad, like a lot.

You know what you can do with your desk now, turn it into a time capsule. Superglue all kinds of things to it every now and then so a few years down the line you and TB can show your grandchildren what paper was like, kind of like how papyrus is to us. OR when you publish your book and get all famous you can donate it to [insert charitable organisation here] to auction it off and then some pompous ass will buy it for an obscene amount of cash and you can sleep well knowing that the desk you got for free from the whorehouse helped [insert charitable donation here]. Yeah, this comment is too long, I have an exam tomorrow morning, nerves are kicking in.

lonerhino said...

I just had to comment on your yesterday's post.

A strange congruence occured. As I was reading your post I looked up and over my desk a hard copy of the 'Joyas Voladores' essay was (verb search pinned...stuck.. posted (redundent) ok pinned.

I heart the hummingbird's heart.

Re the rest of today- "Yikes"

I'm hugely digging the rhythms of your always advancing style.

Insert staccato declaritive sentence here...


TB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dear dear chicago said...

oh dear... i'm terribly behind on your posts. life has been so busy and i've missed my weekly riese reviews. i'll try to be better!

p.s. i miss the serious lack of haviland in the last few entries. she seems so fabulous.

MoonKiller said...

1984 is the best book ever to do in hangman. Everyones there shouting letters and I'm just there like 'Haha suckers' (y.

I'm doing sex ed in school now. Today we put condoms on carrots. But we were told not to steal them condoms because they were out of date.

stef said...

i am geeking hard on svu right now... that episode razia mentions is so the one that diane neal is on before she got the role as novak... yesssss. my parents dragged me to a broadway play the other day and i was all annoyed until i found out it so totally starred stephanie march (ada cabot) and peter hermann (mariska's husband). aaaawesome. svu is the best; regular l&o has only fucked me up in that now when i watch movies that involve the legal system (ie who framed roger rabbit?) i yell at the tv about how the judge should recuse himself and search warrants and godknows what else.

also i mentioned cyberdildology to my friend brian the other day, and he told me it was another word for teledildonics, which i wikapedia'd, and found out about bluedildonics, which are controlled by text messaging. yeah, i think you're gonna want to get another phone...

i don't know if this stuff requires a joystick or virtual reality goggles or what but it's outta control.

also, giving kids condoms but OUTDATED condoms sounds like the total conservative answer to sex ed in the schools - ok fine, we'll give 'em contraception, just none they can use. i call foul.

Abby said...

Winter has finally arrived to the east coast of NZ, snow is expected on the mountains surrounding us (doesn't fall below that but we can drive there)over night. I have never lived anywhere (during winter) that gets this cold. Reading about NY and experiencing this makes me remember my visit to NY in 96 during the blizzard. Amazing stuff.
tb- I've been looking for a second hand copy of 1984 but the bookshops in this town are terrible and there aint any on trademe (NZ's ebay)so it will have to wait. God if Maggie Gyllenhaal was reading that one I would buy it brand new, LOVE her voice.
If you wanna hear some fab NZ music, check out Ladi 6, Hollie Smith, or Fat Freddys Drop

Riese, can't wait for the recap...

riese said...

i. TB read my last comment out loud to me 100 times, and I thought it was funnier every time, not crazier. I think it's the best comment I've ever written.

RAZIA: There is no such thing as a comment being too long. I think that is the episode, yes. And that is a brilliant idea about the desk. This morning I read it and said "TB, Razia is a genius."

lonerhino: Amazing, that essay. I should read it again. And thank you for the comment re:my advancing style. Yay!

ddc: You're back! She is fabulous! Just wait for the cruise blog in July, Hav-o-mania.

moonkiller: How are condoms out of date? Like, these are for old-fashioned penises? Penises are different now? I loved sex ed. We had bananas and fresh condoms. Or maybe we didn't. I don't actually really remember.

stef: I remember totally looking that epsiode up online because I was like "whoah, what's novak doing as a witness/whathaveyou?!!" when I watched it for the fourth time. Guess what just happened? my t key came off again. omg. I'm going to scream.ttttt

abby the weather right now is just weird. It was like, rainy today, and last week it was so hot I couldn't breathe. you should get 1984 on amazon? Right? Hm. When I sold stuff on ebay, we'd usually ship internationally.. Is it just too expensive? Hm. I'm a little annoyed with my t key right now. Not obsessing at all.