Wednesday, September 03, 2008

auto-fun is so yesterday. if not, it's so 9-3-2008

[juliana neufeld]
insomnia poem #12:

somewhere between box five and last year
someone asked me what i wanted
i said "nothing," she didn't believe me.
"my brain's ambitious, my soul's the emcee,
you scream, i scream, we all up and leave,
i don't know much but i know no fall is free"

'cause the thing about living nowhere
is i could live anywhere
like guam, or vermont, or your futon
no one ever says "what a comfortable futon."
no one ever calls the futon
and if someone did
they wouldn't leave a message

the art of losing is
impossible to master

so many possibilities, water water everywhere
and not a drop to think
the choice is act or drink

when i was 18 i drank amaretto sours.
now: more vodka, gasping liquid power
i call futon, i call futile, i call future,
and yesterday is a bright red cherry
that shimmers like backlighting, that



quote: "That had been in Agnes's mishmash decade, after college. She had lived improvisationaly then, getting this job or that, in restaurants or offices, taking a class or two, not thinking too far ahead, negotiating the precariousness and subway flux and scrimping for an occasional manicure or a play. Such a life required much exaggerated self-esteem. It engaged gross quantities of hope and despair and set them wildly side by side, like a Third World country of the heart." (Lorrie Moore, Agnes of Iowa)

0. all about the most annoying people in the city: you can't escape the canvasser's pitch. One "dialoguer" notes that though they are annoying, "I think Martin Luther King was probably a bit annoying."(@village voice)
1. obama and the closing of the american dream. (@n+1)
2. william faulkner reviews season one of Gossip Girl (@mcsweeny's)
3. Sarah Benincasa does the Sarah Palin Vlog (@paper mag) -- more Sarah Palin vlogs at her YouTube Channel. "I'm just tryin' to keep you current!"
4. You're Rich, You Still Have Time To Read! (@adage)
5. Micheal Jackson at 50: A 50-Photo Retrospective (@rollingstone)
6. William Faulkner Reviews Season One of Gossip Girl (@mcsweeny's)
7. Digital Memories Can Be Fleeting: "No transgression goes undocumented, no inebriation goes unpublicized and no child goes un-camcorded." (@globe & mail canada)
8. Kay Ryan: Crocodile Tears (@poetry magazine)
9. Untitled Artist Feature #2: Me! Green interviews memememee about the 'zine, art, tinkerbell, the meaning of life, the story behind that gold paper, etc. So brill it needs a whole new word for brill. (@sloganx)
10. Hot Blogger Calendar Contest: clearly I had to really start from the ground up to win this thing, 'cause all the other contestants except AV have at least one baby. You know what that means -- one baby goes to school or the sandbox or wherever it is that parents keep their babies these days, and then the baby says to all the other babies, "Hey, vote for my Mom or I'll throw a lego ship at your head," and then basically you've got all of K-5 plugging for you. My advantage? Well, my readers know something they don't teach you in kindergarten: how to "use" computers. And that, my dear friends and ex-lovers, is why I won second place! I'm good at second place. I'm not sure what happens next, all I know is that I want September so I can do a Britney Spears inspired "back to school" shoot. (@hot-blogger calendar contest)
11. Stef's Cartoon Recap of Moving Riese out of her apartment. Like most of Stef's cartoon recaps, I come across as slightly insane, although this time I'm more Elizabeth Wurtzel than Homicidal Maniac, which's, you know, sweet. (@big-exit)
12. Fiction: Face by Alice Munro (@the new yorker)
13. "To us, breaking up over IM made a certain amount of sense — as two people with desk jobs that required long hours, a good chunk of our couplehood had resided in the realm of instant messaging": With IM, I turned my boyfriend into an on-call therapist (
14. Born in '82, the writer notes what we've all been learning the hard way: "Girl Power in School, but Not in the Office": The realization that the knowledge and skills acquired in school don’t always translate at the office is something that all college graduates, men and women, must face. But for women, I have found, the adjustment tends to be much harder. It was certainly hard for me — I lasted only nine months in my first job out of college. (@the nytimes)


Bokolis said...

Congrats on placing in the money!

Personally, I think it was the poom-poom shorts.

In lamenting the mirror's feedback, you underestimated the value of a "smokin hot' life." Granted, there were a couple of almost-dimes, along with a fair amount of cute women, among the comp, but a chic with a girlfriend is much, much hotter than a broad with a husband and a couple of tax deductions.

That said, I just voted the party line.

eric mathew said...

I'm really happy your getting so much press... you need a publicist now.. also omg congrats #1 is so overrated... and #2 is better, because a. even numbers rock and you can share it.

anyway... i hope your having fun with vega. has tinkerbell adjusted to her new surroundings?

Don't Worry, be happy.

eric mathew

Vashti said...

I love everything about this auto-fun so far. Congrats on getting second place. I should've told my 5 year old sister to get all her school chums to vote for you. You would've won by a landslide for sure. Also, Stef's recap was money. So money that I'm actually using the word money as an adjective.

PS - This is totally out of left field but did AWBC technically start yesterday? I'm just wondering cuz I got my copy of Lying a few days ago.

Daveycakes said...

We must destroy Dorothy Surrenders.

autumn m said...

so that was a good interview. i think they could have asked more questions. that just me though. so #2 rocks. i must admit that i hate defeat. i think #1 cheated. she's going down. ok AND... im going to email you a picture of Autumn's Cool List, so you can see for yourself that you are on it and that i wasnt lying just to make you feel good about yourself. i really do have a list of people i think are cool, that is written on toilet paper.

eric mathew said...

Riese-Bear... wanna see the best/ worst thing (other than Crossroads) and you will love it because your a Jew.

Seriously... OMG! So much better than Katy Perry.

a;ex said...

You knew I would automatically have fun with that MJ link - thanks boo.

stef said...

weird, this version of your banner is missing a graphic that was there before.. this must have been an unfinished draft. well it's finished now, couch-hopper.
also i fixed the tegan and sara graphics, obvs.

Coffee Stained said...

Thanks for posting the quote. :)
The word "improvisationaly" seems too appropriate for me, as I try to negotiate survival with being a theatre artist, all the while not coming across as a bum with two degrees and a knack for doing dramatic monologues and directing the hell out of physical theatre.

For now, I guess I'll just continue to hit the snooze button on life/the real world. My snooze button is labelled "society expectations of a girl of 27". I'm just sort of hoping that when my alarm goes off, and everyone around me has the 2.5 surrounded by the jagged white fence, I'll be happily awake and doing what I want at that time. Maybe then instead of "I hate love!", I'll transition to "I strongly dislike love!"

Adam said...

I'm at work, so no time to draw up the traditional 'ARRRGGG' anti-nplus screed you've come to expect. I may or may not come back to it tonight.

Central points that immediately spring to mind:

1) It never ceases to amaze me what a dominant figure Marx is in the work they publish. It's one thing to analyze with a Marxist framework, but to reinterpret pre-Marx and Marx-contemporary thinkers through that lens oversteps. What's the point of going to a "primary source" if you don't address it naked-as-it-comes (here I'm thinking especially of the warped view of Jefferson....ugh!)

2) I'm also floored by the pervasiveness of our cultural fixation on alphas. I expect your average brah to think that only leaders are fully realized, that's what mass-consumption media preaches relentlessly, but if the Marxists are buying that line of shit, then we're all fucking doomed. Look, not everyone can be a leader. Being a beta or even a runt is at least as realized a part of a pack culture as being an alpha. I'm not sure what sort of through-the-looking-glass definition they're using of 'citizen' they're using to conclude that the modern working poor (or at least the ones who bother to vote) are any less citizens than the meritocratic elite (if they're going to give me a meritocracy for the sake of argument, I'm sure as hell going to run with it, nevermind how implausible!).

Oh right...if you're not a leader you're not an authentic part of the group. Because this is America, Brah!

Fuck. That. Talk about missing the point of all the people whose views they warped in point 1. maybe I did have time.

MoonKiller said...

University Challenge just informed me of Kurt Vonnegut's view on the semicolon - 'they are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.'

And congrats on 2nd place.

riese said...

bokolis: I agree, hands down totes poom poom shorts. Also I'd like to thank the smokin' hot votes that not only voted the party line, but voted the party line over and over again. I'm not sure how these mom blogs get so much gusto, but i think it's got something to do with boredom and postparttum depression.

eric mathew: Well I do apparently have a press kit, though I've not seen it yet. Really all I need right now is a website. I beleive it's been under construction for oveer a year now. Tinkerbell slept so soundly last night that I didnt' even wake up!

vashti: You should've, I think I could really have a following in first graders who already know how to read. Why? Because i can relate.

I think AWBC is going to start soon, I've obvs fallen behind on everything and pretty much just started reading it yesterday.

daveycakes: We must, we must, we must increase our bust.

Autumn M: Did you notice the part of the interview where you were mentioned? The toilet paper list is amazing in so many magical ways I don't really even know where to begin! Really I don't, if I did, I would.

eric mathew: Hm, that made me jealous of how I never went on that trip, mostly out of fear of Al Queda.

a;ex: that was all for you baby.

stef: Really? is that why it looks strange? thank g-d you fixed the t&s graphics, i was sad at myself for my own broken link and wanted to correct myself.

coffee stained: Natalie just had a breakdown about how she's 27 and lives in a room the size of a shoebox and then she siad something about writing on a cardboard calendar with pink highlighter, and then she said something about how we feel entitled to be at a certain place in our lives 'cause we got these degrees from collges in the lberal arts. also we both slept through our alarms. I feel this somehow relates to whatever i was going to say to you before natalie came into the room to share her feelings.

adam: hello mr anti-n+1!

It seems to me the only problem with this article is that it proves the point that Obama cannot relate to the group and counters the counter-argument for his elitism quite well, but fails to draw any sort of conclusion about what who Obama IS has to do with what he will do as president.He makes a lot of salient points, but then draws an entirely unrealted conclusion. I probably do that sometimes too, but luckily I'm not published in n+1.

moonkiller: That is a perfect description of the only semicolon I've ever known & loved.

And thanks!

autumn m said...

Glad you Like my cool list!!! if you look closely at the picture you can see my part of my workout schedule behind it!! and i did notice there was an autumn mentioned in that interview, but i wasnt going to assume it was this autumn. how do i know that you dont know like 18 autumns. see now i just look stupid for not mentioning it. but if i would have mentioned it and it wasnt me, then i would have looked really stupid.

Adam said...

I should just wear a nametag: "Hello: My name is Adam, and n+1 has gotten all of my goats. I am bereft of goats"

In response, though...

Of course Obama can relate to the group...he can lead, and they can follow. That's a valid relation.

Maybe I'm just misreading the article, but it seems to go like this (once you rearrange the bits to make the logic run):

1) he allows (perhaps overgenerously) that entry into the educated elite is meritocratic. on his story, anyone capable (including sons of 18 year old girls and immigrant goat farmers) can opt to join.

2) some people don't opt to join, and those people go on to be factory workers or farmers or whatever

conclusion: what a raw deal for the small guys! they opted out of the leadership track, and now they're followers! bullshit!

The only way I can get that to make sense is with the implicit premise that there's something wrong with being a follower (nevermind that it's what these people want from their lives, or that it's a totally valid and important contribution to society). That's the sort of thinking I expect from meatheads, but it's sort of shocking to see it coming from someone who just spent the first half of his article humping the leg of the working class.

Then again, I guess I should be less surprised, since the inspiration for his leg-humping is bizarro-Jefferson, who apparently was a proto-Marxist.

wordver: xfehx
meaning: totes hardcore exasperation

Vashti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.