Wednesday, January 07, 2009

The Little Blog That Could (with visual aid) & Auto-Fun. 01.07

UPDATE 1-8-09: I know my prospects are dim, comrades. But we cannot give up! If I give up, we all give up! It'll be anarchy! Firstly, I'm aiming for fifth place, and Gay Patriot is hot on my trail in the sixth spot, and with Tammy Bruce telling her readers to vote GP, I could fall behind in an instant. Secondly, I wouldn't continue to remind you that we're talking Vote or Die here if I wasn't aware that there are enough people reading this right now to vault me out of Loserville and into the upper tier of this competition. Just one little click. Every day. Is all it takes. Promise. To those of you that are voting, and have been voting, I love you more. Like so much! And am grateful, flattered, and pumped up. RUDY! RU-DY! RU-DY!
The 2008 Weblog AwardsSoooo you all look beautiful today. Really. Your shoulders look nice, your quadriceps appear significant, your skin's shining shining shining like a roman candle. Whatcha gonna do today? Yeah? Me too, actually I wash my hair every day, thus the gloss & shine. Oh! Just remembered something -- I'm a finalist for "Best LGBT Blog" in the 2008 Webblog Awards contest, you should TOTALLY vote. In fact, let's make this about both of us together -- every time I wash my hair (every day) -- you vote.

See, it's weird, right? Little ol' 3.5-posts-a-week memememe, nominated for the largest and most prestigious blog contest in the world. It's clearly a fluke, maybe they didn't realize it was my Mom who nominated me, not an unbiased source. Anyhow, it's the biggest deal of anything I've asked you to vote for (not that the other things weren't also awesome 'cause they were), I'm actually being really genuine & earnest right now -- hopefully you're not exhausted from the Hot Blogger Calendar Contest.

Readers, I am shedding my cool trashwhore exterior (copyright crystal 2008) and self-deprecating "who me?" attitude and asking you to shamelessly and aggressively make everyone you know -- even people who can't read, people who voted Yes on 8 and people who have sex with papayas -- to vote for me, every day. Why? Because of RUDY.

Have you ever heard the story of the Little Engine that Could? If you haven't, I don't know what's wrong with you, you should read it. Unless you can't read, then you should probs leave this site and go to youtube, the commenters there can't read either. No offense against people who can't read anyhow For the rest of you I am asking you to think of me as The Little Engine That Could. I've got no chance of winning this thing, but I'm looking to stay in 5th place, at least, which'll require tremendous support. That's a cool place to be.

Remember that time I told you what I like to eat? That was such a good post.

I'm not sure how Technorati authority ratings are determined, but your blog's popularity and relevance is measured by this score. Maybe if I understood it, I'd have a higher rating. Hm anyway. Mine is 89. I mention this to let you know how I measure up to the competition and how many times you must vote (every day). If you don't I'm never blogging again and I'm taking the goldfish. JK I will blog again, but under protest. I wouldn't just leave y'all. I'm nice. Basically as Grace said, underdogs can bite!

Here's how the contest is already not in my court -- these numbers represent how popular we are according to the secret Technorati formula. Basically Towleroad has a bajillion readers for every ONE reader I have.

Pam's House Blend: 1,192 Towleroad: 1,178
Joe.My.God: 653 The Bilercio Project: 606
Gay Patriot: 304 Susie Bright's Journal: 244
Tammy Bruce: 182 TransGriot: 144
Me: 89 Blabbeando : 86
To better illustrate this using train engine imagery I have created a graph for you. As you can see fame & fortune (the goal) is slightly cut off because it is so out of reach. Actually the fame part is less important anyhow, you can't feed sponsor children with fame.

Why should you vote for me? You probs shouldn't, those blogs are popular and well-established for a reason, possibly 'cause they don't write posts like this one, but instead post 10 times a day about Important Things that People Care About. I'm going to talk about freedom. (FYI, just some of the things I've written that are better than this blog post, if you're still needing to be convinced: this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this , etc.)

I'm not trying to take away anyone else's votes, I'm trying to create new voters. Like, but self-centered.

However. I would like to just MENTION that Gay Patriot is "home to the millions of gays and lesbians who support President Bush," which is fine, to each his own. I'm just letting you know, 'cause I thought it was about football.

You should vote for me 'cause I'm the only memememe (as in, I never provide actual news & commentary, I work alone sans staff, and I do nothing useful) on that list, and that's kinda kickass. I do a lot of shit here and on autostraddle and on the youtube channel. It's like I can't give up the dream of being editor of a magazine even if I haven't actually been hired to that position. I'm just another weirdo quasi-writer in my underwear writing down my desperately! important! feelings! and painfully relevant perspective. The whole blogging "thing" started with the idea of an online diary, and that's what this is. I've been reading the original scroll of On the Road, it might be making me crazy. but in a good way.

I can be like: rawr!

I haven't done auto-fun in a while, my computer's at the apple store so I don't have my bookmarks. I don't remember where anything like, is.

auto-fun - first january edition

quote: "I know the use of fiction in a world of hard truth, the way fiction can be a harder piece of truth. The story of what happened, or what did not happen but should have -- that story can become a curtain drawn shut, a piece of insulation, a disguise, a razor, a tool that changes every time it us used and sometimes becomes something other than we intended. The story becomes the thing needed." (Dorothy Allison, Two or Three Things I Know For Sure)

- This New York Magazine reviewer gives the best explanation I've heard of snark.. The Elegant Review one-ups him - Snark & Missing the Point.
- Poem from The New Yorker, alien vs. predator. : "Praise this world, Rilke says, the jerk. We'd stay up all night. Every angel's berserk.".
- As I said: Why College is a Waste of Money. (at the daily beast)
- A brilliant little dity about dead magazines at the grim repears' Magazine Death Pool.
- I think for serious this time. Ann Coulter = devil. Slams Michelle Obama in New Book, says huffpo.
- Digital guru Clay Shirkey is interviewed at the about the future of media. A lot of "great misfortunes," etc.
-Jessica Crispin at The Smart Set: "Addiction memoirs are like opinions on how to cure addiction: Everybody's got one."
-Breaking up on Facebook - Jamie Reidy at The Huffington Post.
-It's like I told them what I dream of and then they gave it to me: Drinking with Rachel Maddow, a video at New York Magazine.
-The 15 Most kickass women on television, at CliqueClack. C.J.!
- Also! Please vote for:
Fuck You Penguin. (pet)
Mombian (large)
Grace the Spot (new)
The Big Lead (sports)
Blue Girl Red State (best diarist)
Communist Dance Party (hidden gem)
DEFAMER AUSTRALIA (best blog ever -- i mean best gossip blog)

I can't write an insomnia poem today, 'cause my head is full of Jack Kerouac and I'm so vulnernble! but here's someone else's:

Our minds buzz like bees
but not the bees' minds.
It's just wings not heart
they say, moving to another flower.

(Jim Harrison)


mimi said...

sometimes i am jealous of how good you are at reading things on the internet. like, all the links you post sound interesting, but i don't have the attention span to read any of them. only blogs where people talk! about! their feelings! i guess. for serious, it is pretty cool that you are well informed about why college is a waste of money.

eric mathew said...

Riese: Your gonna fucking win. If I have to do what I have to do to get you there. You're gonna follow every rainbow till you find your stream.

ugh my eyebrows hurt so bad from waxing... typical. i hear threading hurts worse though.

anyway... i had a really odd dream last night (swear) about the gay moments blog... i don't even remember it, i just remember reading it in the dream.

eric mathew said...

wait is it stream or dream? damn julie andrews.

DH said...

I've been getting my friends to vote. All three of them. But it all adds up, right?

I'm excited to hear you've been reading the original scroll. I read it over Christmas (again), it made me slightly crazy too.

alyson said...

I voted today. I'll vote tomorrow.
That's what I do when I spend most of my days online. Find ways to effectively spend that time.

I loved that facebook article from the Huffington Post. So funny.

I also really liked the poem from The New Yorker.

The thing about college being a waste of money was really interesting. I know 3 of my friends that have already dropped out after the first semester, I was almost one of them. Happens a lot. Crazy.

Matt said...

If nothing else, you've provided a much needed laugh from those of us trying to keep the awards up and running. This is Hall of Fame level shameless self-promotion (and I mean that in the good way).

Good luck!

Blabbeando said...

Love it! BTW: Thanks for giving me a choo-choo train!

Unknown said...

I skipped washing my hair today (sorry, tmi, ran out of time, etc), but I did vote for you. Also, how would you pronounce Watty Piper's first name? Am I the only one who hasn't heard that name out loud before?

MoonKiller said...

I've voted everyday obvs. And my girlfriend has voted aswell.

And I think you should win because out of all the blogs I've attempted to read and get into you, yours is the only one I read everyday (and by that I mean whenever you post).

My friend got me the original scroll for christmas, but due to my new 'read books in order of buying' policy I'll probably be reading it this time next year. I've just finished reading Big Sur, however, and I think that made me more crazy than On The Road.

Also, I liked the Breaking Up on Facebook article.

riese said...

rachel: [I don't really read all of them throughly, but I'd like to!] I have the attention span, but better in print -- I often link to articles I read in the print version. I can focus on a book or a magazine much better, maybe 'cause magazines don't keep reminding me I have unanswered emails. I usually do auto-fun before bed when I'm more settled and can read things.

eric mathew: I'm gonna win, you're gonna use "you're" instead of "your" when you mean "you are" and you're gonna find every rainbow ever and you're gonna make me win! go now!

Threading hurts like a bitch.

eric mathew: stream.

crystal: exactly -- that's what i'm trying to explain to people. if everyone just gets three other people to vote, that's like, a lot of people. I'm also really digging the OTR essays about the publication proccess.

Al: That is the most effective way to spend time that i've ever heard of besides reading books or um, watching bad teevee or writing novels.

Matt: YES! YES! I won something! I'M IN THE HALL OF FAME! Huzzah! Thanks Matt, you're my favorite!

Andrès Duque, my BFF: You and me, we've got this thing in the bag, obvs, Towleroad doesn't stand a chance.

Mary Kate: That's good actually I should've mentioned that voting is more important than washing hair. Alex washes her hair like once a week. I think Watti is pronounced "Papi."

MoonKiller: Thank you for your endorsement and support. If you could rally your whole country behind me I think I'd have a good chance. I think I tried to read Big Sur but didn't get into it ... nowadays I'd plow through, but back when I was a child, I did not, I just gave up. Anyhow. Tell your girlfriend "Thanks, mate"

asher said...

that rachel maddow video was adorkable (eventho i hate that non-word, it really is the best way to describe her). obvs.

ann coulter is the devil. obvs.

and i just washed my hair. and voted. obvs.

autumn m said...

ok so i really hate it when people update their relationship status on facebook. because it always results in me getting a text asking if its true. Because you know, i make a habit of learning every detail about everyone i ever meet. Seriously, i could care less.
and i went to college for a year, and spent a lot of money. then i realized i could be working. so i got a job instead of going back to school. see, now im making money instead of spending it. and i like that.
and...... i hate Ann Coulter!!! Seriously, she was on the news today. why? i really dont know. every time i see her i get all filled with rage and my senses shut down and all i can do it think about killing her. i dont see why there hasnt been an attempt already. i might not actually kill her, but i swear before i die i will at least break her nose. AH!!! i get so mad when i think about her.
i feel as though everyone is pulling together so you can have a chance at winning!!!

DH said...

I don't know how I missed what you wrote about my cool trashwhore exterior the first time I read this.

You flatter me, Autowin.

eric mathew said...

ugh. i'm sorry. i almost failed 6th grade grammar.

Anonymous said...

i don't comment often, (if ever) but i thought this was as good a time as any to just let you know of my existence. ( and the existence of at least another 100 people who read but never comment.)

I'm SO not a blog reading kinda person. Really, you're the only blog out there that i check for. And really i'm not sure what it is about this place that keeps me coming back for more..... It's not your 'gayness' , although that's what attracted me in the first place.

I dunno... i guess it's the 'mememememe, so! many! feelings!

Whatever it is, (i'm not the over-analysing kind of lesbian) I will very much keep on reading, whether you're rightly appointed 'best lgbt blogger' or not.

Dylan x

Heather said...

Congratulations on your nomination.

Here's to voting and voting often - underdogs are the best competitors EVER!

laura said...

i was trying to figure out the technorati thing and i think it's how many blogs link to your blog? i don't actually know.

i am voting every day, obviously, and since i'm stuck in ohio [land of corn] for two more weeks, i'm going to force my family to vote for you. i convinced my conservvvvative dad to watch an entire rachel maddow show tonight, so asking him to click a button should be easy.

fuck you, penguin is my new favorite.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to say that you should give up at this point and focus on something else, but you should give up at this point and focus on something else.

Anonymous said...

I am voting every day. Not making much of a dent, though. Sorry, I am only one person. But I love the Little Engine That Could.

asher said...

ps - i think your new goal should just be to beat gaypatriot. 'cause i would hope that there are more homos reading about your life then there are legitimately interested in the republican party.

riese said...

asher: to everything you say i have only one thing to say and that thing is HOLLER.

autumn m: yes actually this was a big source of contention between me and an ex earlier this year as I insisted no one actually used them for real, but then a lot of people that I actually love I realized were using them for real, and then I was like, what? The best part is for sure the comments, like my favorite facebook moment ever from people I don't know:

Ann wrote a new book as same as all the other ones.

I have a chance of winning, I just have to figure out how to motivate people to click a button. I guess the whole world could change if I could figure that out.

crystal: Oh I would never just throw that out there without citing you. mad props.

eric mathew: It's okay, I used the wrong "its" and "it's" for the first 1.5 years of writing this blog.

Anonymous: Thanks for being a fan and commenting and voting yay! I'm glad you like my! feelings! 'cause my Mom doesn't. Also apaprently the way to win a contest is by posting a lot all the time. Also I'm a big fan of your name, I want it.

the wishful writer: We are, 'caue we're fiesty and when we bite it's sexy!

laura: Yeah I guess it's like all the blogs that have linked to you in the past 6 months -- but it's imperfect, you have to like "ping" your blog all the time or something. Thank you for getting out the vote in Ohio, that's a big swing state for real. fuck you penguin is the best.

DJL: I'm holding on for a last-minute miracle, or the sudden possibility that everyone who reads my blog will actually vote at least once, and then I can handle it. Also though I just wanna beat Gay Patriot now.

e.: In this contest, one person is a Very Big Deal. That's seven votes! That could be the difference between me and GP.

asher: Oh, it is. My sentiments exactly.

MoonKiller said...

I know Wales is small but it's not small enough for me to know everyone, soz.

But my friend James had a brainwave. We have over 100 computers in my school and he has a free period tomorrow so he's going to get around as many computers as he can. He's been looking for someone/something to back for a while now.

And Big Sur is slow getting started. That was the second time I attempt at reading it and after a while it starts getting to the standard of OTR. After I've finished Choke I'm reading The Dharma Bums, which I really can't wait for.

Anonymous said...

This is not related, but to add to previous auto-discussions, from the introduction to The Best American Essays 2008: "Memoir essays move us not because they are self-indulgent, but because they are other-indulgent, and the other they indulge is us, with our own parallel inner stories of loss and confusion and mixed emotions about even the people (and animals) we love."

Anonymous said...

I'm even making my mom vote for you. =D

Anonymous said...

Hope you get lots of votes for your blog - and please can your readers also vote for this British blog that's also up for the awards:

It essentially brings together the creative community in Birmingham (UK) and gives a space for reviews, shout outs, adverts but rather than being made by paid officials at a newspaper it's all run by local artists.

It's fun, funky and focuses on stuff that mainstream media misses.

In other words, it's really rather ace.

Another good reason to vote for this blog is that its main competition comes from Melanie Phillips. She is a columnist for the Daily Mail, a right-wing British tabloid newspaper with a long-standing history of antipathy towards gays. She herself is virulently anti-gay and would doubtless be a huge supporter of Prop 8. Created in Birmingham has sneaked ahead of her, but only just, so every vote really does count!

Vote today!


Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


riese said...

wtf. i'm on it.

Alex said...

This is a funny post. Loved it!

Technorati isn't the best way to measure blog audience, since all it does is measure how many different sites have linked a blog in the past 180 days, and it doesn't even find them all.

From what I know about the traffic, Towleroad has much more than everyone here, like gobs and gobs more. Then Joe, Pam, and us (bilerico) are all in the same league. I don't know about the rest.

A lot of this is about mobilization. And, yea, I hope you win over GP. It seems like the people who run the awards always want to make this competition "balanced" by including two conservative blogs, GP and then a random other (last year it was Average Gay Joe). As if, you know, either the LGBT community or the political blogosphere are even when it comes to conservative vs. liberal representation.

At least they included a transgender blog this year. Monica's great!

Good luck, and I loved the visual aid. We definitely are "Q"!