Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dear Auto-Fun of the Day, Why Would I Ever Pick a New Question?

I love Freedom!
[jk, it's paralyzing ...]
On a scale of one to ten, this post was initially a valiant initiative! Now it's just a bunch of random stuff; straight from my brain/room to your screen. I have a lot of things. I've got that sore/achey fibro feeling in my bones and arms from The Sads and also from not leaving my apartment for three days (I'm not being dramatic this time, it's true) but if I don't leave this place to at least work out tomorrow I think my heart might revolt and eat my brain. I've got gratitude to my helpful patient friends. And so much sadness, too. I try not to think about it. I've just discovered Xanax! What a treat.

Hey, vote for me, I'm getting DEMOLISHED.

When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing. The first stop is a storage unit. The next stop is a couch, I guess, and then another couch. It's cool, I like sleeping on couches. I am so sad right now I'm sorry I can't do this. This typing thing, the exclamation points. Waa. I am lucky to have so many good friends though they are such beautiful souls, we all need to meditate together on the balcony by the waves wink wink.

it's vintage.
where did those pink pants come from? holler hard tail!
Look what Vashti drew!
(Look at my blogger profile for the source material)
1. Oh, vote for me! Voting ends on August 31st! I have this strange suspicion, based on what I see in the mirror, that I'm not a shoo-in for the Hot Blogger Calender Contest, but I've been nominated and you know I'm very competitive and don't like to lose. Actually, the art of losing is not hard to master. OMG! I just went to to find the URL to link to this poem, and what was the quote of the g*dforsaken day? FROM THAT POEM. This, my friends, is what we call chickens.

Clearly Julia Alison owns this contest, but I'd like second or fifteenth place. I don't want to earn it -- I know that like Miranda Hobbes you've always liked me for my personality. Haviland is the hot one, I'm the cool one. But I'd like to win second place as a joke. I prefer massive jokes over all other forms of communication except telegrams.

I'm not sure how exactly this contest is related to calendars, but I hope the prize includes a new planner. I always get my planners late 'cause you can usually talk the guy into half price if you're already three months into the year. So the first three months of the year are somewhat up for grabs, so do what you want to do fine.

"From motherhood to mirror gazing to best friends that got away -- if a woman has a feeling, the forest gathers around her, processes, and consequently births an anthology."
-Chicken Soup For the Queer Girls' Soul, by Marie "Riese" Lyn Bernard, on pages 71-72 of INTERLUDE MAGAZINE

quote: "We were stupid for disrespecting the limits places before us. For tearing up the fabric of songs wise enough to acknowledge limits. For making songs of rape and death and then disappearing inside them. For trying to go everywhere and know everything. We were stupid, spoiled, and arrogant. But we were right, too. We were right to do it even so." (Mary Gaitskill, Veronica)

1. Where Did All the Drunk Writers Go? (@the new review)
2. School Wars: Politicians, billionares and mavericks all want to save public schools. They won't. Parents will. (@GOOD)
3. 2 A.M. is my New Midnight (@achtung baby!)
4. P.S., guess who's totally a movie star? (@the chi chi pekor express times-daily-record-eagele)
5. Where the Urban Dream is Going Cheap: What could possibly make someone want to leave New York and move to Buffalo? (@nymag)
6. Rachel Maddow interview: "I don't, this is going to sound crazy, I don't like talking about my personal life. I don't like talking about the media. These aren't my topics. I'm really interested in Afghanistan. That's what I want talk about." (@jezebel)
7. Radar's Semi-Scientific Study of the Worst Colleges in America: categories include "Most Stoned" and "Most Overrated." (@radaronline)
8. Bright Lights, Big Screens : notes on the democractic convention (
9. "The two individuals perhaps most responsible for transforming the West Village from what it was ten years ago into what it is today are Carrie Bradshaw and Marc Jacobs." : Enchanted (@the new yorker)

insomnia poem #11:

here: you be the needle
and I'll be the thread
let's [never] go to bed

and over those sheets
she'll soar, we'll all meet
please take this seat you are so sweet
i mean that so delicious


so the thing is that my back hurts
could you hold this for just a block
this book, my heart, my things, this shock

in the future they will see
digital beautiful glittered gloom
silence here is not shouting fire,
in that crowded room

the thing is i'll be fine i mean it so fine yeah
just fine emphasis on just

but the thing is i got too excited about flying
I'm Icarus so
I'm on fire,
here's the sun;

but we ha/d/ve/



Vashti said...

Oh Riese.. This makes me happy for so many reasons.

Thank you. =]

Anonymous said...

I really wish I possessed the confidence and self-promo skills required to properly pimp myself and win the guys' side of that contest, but I just can't seem to muster either. And that is sad since it looks as if I will be losing to the likes of Perez Hilton. Which, WTF?! I am TOTES hotter than he is.

I say if you and I both lose? We make our OWN Hot Blogger Calendar. *wink*

Anonymous said...

You are so lucky to have a magical girlfriend who is dutiful also. I would like to find a girlfriend like that, maybe if i pray to the little baby unicorn she will find me one that has 'flexible' and 'sex slave' on her resume.

No, seriously your last post was really cute and it made me happy to read.. AND for that I will def.
VOTE Riese O8*

Adam said...

big ups for the new masthead.

I am totes calling you "The Gray Lady" from now on.

asher said...

yay! you found it! ("it" being INTERLUDE).

my favorite part is the bit was the straight girl's (wurtzel?) thoughts on melissa etheridge.

The Spaz said...

Nice piece in Interlude!

I think I'm going to track down Surface Tension.


I liked the Max Factor article, another book I might have to get.

Dave Lozo said...

Sigh. I'll change your link to New York Times tomorrow morning.

MoonKiller said...

I'd let you sleep on my couch, it's the comfiest thing ever.

A few seconds after I read 'when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire' it came on. I think my mediaplayer has special powers.

Adam said...

aaaand now your masthead makes me feel dirty.

jk. I refresh Gawker like 100 times a day at work, because I'm that bored.

I think I hate me most of all.

eric mathew said...

I hate Radar's list. The ugly college one is so untrue... mainly because their facts are wrong and the picture they took is not even our campus. i wrote a whole blog about it next week.

hang in their pup.

stef said...

dear eric mathew,
drexel is the ugliest school that ever existed. i know because i went there, and when i went there they didn't have all those huge glass buildings yet, just all that orange brick. it was very disconcerting for students at orientation who were going there for ohh say architecture. during most of orientation, they would trick us into going to penn buildings so we would marvel at the cute neighbourhood. then i moved all my stuff into calhoun and was like "...oh, we have a subway and a 7-11. and that's it."

now there are pretty buildings there though i guess. it's getting better. there also used to be patches of grass where those new buildings are... i used to have english class on those patches of grass sometimes. they are gone now. also i haven't seen anything at drexel in like a year, maybe they knocked down all the ugly stuff and you have no idea what i'm talking about. is the shaft still there?

dear riese,
go to the gym so we can do box #9 and 10 and 11 and omg bananas!

Haviland Stillwell said...

you're up against ann coulter? really? who nominated these bloggers?

off topic, but if gustav hits on the first day of the RNC, thats going to be kind of telling.

thanks for linking to the maddow interview...i cannot be more excitant about her premiere on sept 8! whee!


Vashti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vashti said...

Holy smokes. Many things have been added since my comment. Many things meaning everything excluding my comic.

I have these things to say:
- I voted for you..Still trying to figure out how to vote multiple times though. Progress is s-l-o-w.
- Nice bit you have there in Interlude.
- I'm glad my college is nowhere to be seen on Radar's list but that USC is [they're somewhat of a rival school].
- I love npr.
- And, to echo Eric Mathew, hang in there. =]

[And wtf? Apparently I'm a robot because I just had to redo the word verif three times.]

davelozo said...

I'm keeping up, FYI.

autumn m said...

ok so i voted for you. i don't know what it's for, but i hope you win it. and if you don't, just remember, you're beating ann coulter. that's always something to look forward to. nice pictures of your packing party. i had something else to say but i forgot.....yeah i dont remember.

eric mathew said...

Dear Stef,

While it is no way the nicest... the last few years have had major improvements. The quad re-opened last year and is really nice... they are also on a mission to ad more green space.

The DAC is currently under major rennovation and will be expanded, as well as the Armory is in the process of being the new basketball arena.

A new dorm is going up behind Kelly, and the tennis courts are now behind 7-11. They also plan to expand Academic all the way to North Hall.

It's kind of insane... and I'm not sure where the money is coming from... probs Greece. typi.

On a brighter note... we are now 89th best uni in the US. soo thats a positive... right??

anyway... go Dragons slash vote Riese.

stef said...

dear eric mathew,

i fondly recall my graduation day at the dac, when my small group of rogue douchebags argued over which of us was going to accept his or her diploma from mr ubergreek university president by whispering "had a great time with your daughter last night!" and winking. none of us did, sadly.

also the university is 89th because they bought a medical school that was already kicking ass.

omfg are you friends with mario the magnificent on facebook? when they built that amazing statue on 33rd st they busted open a water main in the middle of winter and it was amazing. go dragons! drexel football, undefeated since 196whenever they got rid of the football team!

this has nothing to do with riese's post. HEY RIESE! NICE PINK PANTS!

A. said...

To make this relate to anything:

Now to a completely seperate point...

Just got back from a very awkward date. I chose to end it with a high five. I've been informed by a few friends since that this was in fact, a very cruel thing to do. I think it was hilarious. Thoughts? Anyone?

riese said...

Hello! It is me again Tinkerbell. Riese really needs to get her shit together, she's really working me to the bone which is difficult on account of my brain which is entirely cotton. also I haven't eaten since the 90's.

1. Hello Vashti. This is Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell is happy, Vashti is happy, we're all happy.

2. Hello atherton. This is Tinkerbell. Let me give you some advice then for the pimpage. I would suggest some sporty boy-briefs and then get Alice from The L Word to sign them. Also once I lost a contest to the dog Beethoven from the Beethoven movies and I am still not in a calender. Would you like to be in a calender with me? let me know thank you.

3. Hello "anonymous" . This is Tinkerbell. Look let's not beat around the bush I think you are alex not anonymous. in which case i have only one question for you: where is littlefoot? I want to cuddle him.

4. Hello adam . This is Tinkerbell. Thank you for the compliment about the masthead. We have just been bought out by OurChart so now you can call me the pink lady or my name tinkerbell.

5. Hello asher. This is Tinkerbell. My favorite part is the clavicle.

6. Hello the spaz. This is Tinkerbell. Surface Tension is lovely. Riese has lost the Max Factor link. She is a hot mess!

7. Hello dave lozo. this is tinkerbell. thank you.

8. Hello Moonkiller. This is Tinkerbell. I would like to sleep on your couch and also special powers.

9. Hello adam. This is Tinkerbell. You should not hate yourself. I for one like you very much.

10. Hello eric mathew. This is Tinkerbell. I have just learned how to read and so I read the article and i thought oh no, this is where eric mathew goes that sounds like a sad place.

11. Hello stef. This is Tinkerbell. I also thought of you when reading that article. I am very glad that you did not go there for architecture and instead dedicated yourself to studies regarding music management. Oh! Bananas!

12. Hello Haviland Stillwell Gorgeous. This is Tinkerbell your friend from the east. I also believe that Ann Coulter is not as beautiful as Riese. I believe it will be very shameful if Riese loses to Ann and I am embarassed for her already.

13. Hello comment deleted. This is Tinkerbell. I don't know what to say to you, either. If I did, I can't promise I wouldn't take it back.

14. Hellooo Vashti. This is Tinerkbell. We must crack the multiple voting code as this has impeded Riese from winning many times in the past. My school is also not on that list. I like USC because of the sunshine and the glory enabled by sunshine.

15. Hello dave lozo. This is Tinkerbell. You are on my trail and I like it.

16. Hello autumn m. This is Tinkerbell. Thank you for voting for Riese. She also doesn't know what it is, and much like you i forgot what i was going to say. I don't like Ann Coulter's face.

17. Hello eric mathew. This is tinkerbell. It would appaer this comment is for stef. Therefore I will remain "muzzled" so to speak or rather so to not speak. thank you all and to all a good night.

riese said...

oh dear! this is so hard. to keep up with all the comments.

hello stef this is tinkerbell thank you those pink pants are really quite something and thank you for complimenting them on their apparel.

hello a. this is tinkerbell. i believe ending the date with a high five is without a doubt the greatest and most triumphant thing you could ever do.

eric mathew said...


Tell Riese that I miss her. And that her and tink should watch Obama tonight with your favorite Vodka Tonics... I think it would be fun...

e. said...

(I am suddenly moving out, too: I find myself with more things to do than I can count (find a place! pack the stuff! choose, discard, shift, pay, freak out, cry!), and all I want to do is curl up into a ball of i-give-up. So, you know, you really have my sympathy/empathy/telepathy, or whatever is the appropriate -pathy.)

I always like your insomnia poetry, today's no exception. Thanks for the queer reading list. Your new "About Me" description is maybe the single greatest/funniest thing I've read all week (and for perspective, I've been reading Plath and our September Book Club selection, so it's not like there was no competition). Also: hi, Tinkerbell! ("Tinerkbell"?)

autumn m said...

well shoot dang howdy there tinkerbell!!!! what happened to riese? did she freak out and leave, and your just covering for her until you can find her??? that sounds about right to me.