This post originally began with a very compelling musing on the state of my hair & nails. I've been trying to fix these problems via various cost-efficient methods, e.g., a hair-style Cesar remarked resembled that of a sweaty/pained future-mother in her 12th hour of labor, a hat, cutting my nails super-short to minimize polished-to-unpolished ratio, staying in.
Three days ago, my roommates told me they liked my "new dark hair," and when I went into the lit agency, Stephen/Rambo told me: "You know, Marie, I liked you better as a blonde." I found both of these statements alarming, as I've made no conscious effort to return to dark hair. It just HAPPENS, you guys, it's called GROWING. [Roommate Ryan did offer "Roots are in!" which was kind/false.] I tried to get a manicure in this 'hood, but mostly they wanted to make my nails totally heterosexual and then adorn them in bright colors and tiny gemstones.
So because I'm a proactive little puppy, I went out and fixed all my problems today and feel much better. Also Haviland was at DRAMATICS NYC SALON with me, and said my haircut looked like when we "first met," and then we both went: "awwww." It was A Moment, and I just wanted to share that with all of you, because I love you. Not like I love Haviland, or love FASHION, my stylist today [this's the place where they all have weird names, like lame porn stars], but Love you, just the same. I love everyone because my hair smells like hula girls.
(I tried to recreate the pose in order to best display the difference. But you can't really see how my nails are chipped in Photo 1.)
So speaking of Moments and Love ... [see that? That's called "bringing it back around."] [No it isn't. It's called "talking about myself, then pretending it's a segue into a Sunday Top Ten, coincidentally also about Myself. But also about Music. Kids like music, right? Rock and roll, etc.?]
A long time ago, Crystal posted this Musical Memoir blog where she traced her life through songs/music. Then, as is her way, she deleted it. I told her I'd steal that idea one day. So did Stef. Stef did it. Now, it's like ten years later, and I'm doing it.
ALBUMS MOST ASSOCIATED WITH CERTAIN SENTIMENTS ASSOCIATED WITH CERTAIN PERIODS OF TIME
8: 16/Fag Hag/RENT Sountrack
I performed this album on long drives, to-from Interlochen. We sang it there, too, all the time, especially 'Take me or Leave Me,' because it was fresh enough for obsession, we all wanted to be in NYC, and I was surrounded by homosexuals and theater majors. My gay best friend Ryan liked to give me lap dances to "Tomorrow for Me," which was one of many special sexual things about our relationship. We went to Detroit to see the touring company, but they were bad, but I've seen it twice in NYC, and it made me cry/dance/think I was part of something special here in New York City! Now, it's like, vintage.
7: 17/Happy/Lauryn Hill: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Her: No wonder it took you thirty minutes to have an orgasm.
I liked that I listened to music no one else listened to, I liked Ida, they sounded like butterflies. I'd go to shows but if we had to stand and I stood for too long, my knees would start aching and I'd get sad again, antsy, wish I could focus or knew where my pain came from or what to do with it.
But none of that indie music was really appropriate for aforementioned activity.
Wasn't there a Moby song in like, every movie and commercial that came out that year?
5: 20/Wanting to Please/Love or Piss Off My Boyfriend, Depending
(runners up: Blink 182/Enema of the State, Melissa Ferrick/Freedom)
One summer Chris and I lived with like, ten lesbians who all played lesbionic sports like rugby or fencing--one of 'em was a good friend of mine from middle school, that's how I'd ended up there in the first place. She invited me to the Indigo Girls concert, and since I've been to *cough* like one hundred of them, I obvs was like "THERE." I couldn't beleive they'd put out a new album and I hadn't even noticed, and this is the gayest thing I've ever said in my life, but I think that night really changed things for me. I started listening to the album all the time to annoy him. Boys hate The Indigo Girls. That night on the grass, I watched all these SuperQueer girls dance around and I remembered there was a part of myself that Chris would never understand: not the gay part, but just that he didn't want to Understand anything about me that he couldn't relate to, nothing at all.
'Cause look, I effin love the Indigo Girls. I was raised listening to The Indigo Girls, they were one of my first concerts. My Mom took me. Also, coincidentally, my Mom is gay.
4: 22/Knee Deep in One of Those Up-and-Down Love-Things
Fiona Apple:When the Pawn and Outkast:Speakerboxx/The Love Below
OK So: you know when you're in one of those bad psuedo-relationships and it's gotten really bad, really unfair as in you've just uncovered Serious Lies, and you know: The worst possible thing I could do for myself right now would be to go over to his place, and then he's like "Come over," and you're like: "Okay, see you in ten minutes!"
So: one of those times, one of the worst, I zoomed, blaring Fiona Apple to remind myself that hunger hurts and I want him so bad, oh it kills, 'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up, I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold, hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love....
Scot: I want to play a song for you. This is my song for you. [He said that all the time, but he was really intent this time.]
You're all I ever wanted
but I'm terrified of you
My castle may be haunted/but I'm terrified of you
I've cast my spell on millions
but I'm terrified of you
Baby I do this from the ceiling but I'm terrified of you
I wait my whole life to find the right one
then you come along and that freaks me out.
-Outkast, Dracula's Wedding
But Scot taught me how to listen to music. You know, just lie there and listen, like it's a real activity? We'd drink store-brand cola from his Aunt's garage, he clearly lived at home because he was sort of a teenager, and we'd lie there under his tapestry, and listen. I'd feel super young and alive and sexy all over, like my whole life was ahead of me, endless and set to music. Derrick May, Beastie Boys, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Basement Jaaxx, Aphex Twin, Tom Waits, Coldplay, George Harrison, Roy Ayers. He took me out to Detroit--his brother was a DJ--and showed me the turntables and did some "mixes" or whatever it is DJs do, and then I kinda like, fell in love with him again, it was Bad News.
I always date musically oriented people [except aforementioned Chris], I think. I have. A. Problem. I see someone make music and I think they are Magic.
He invaded my earspace, he took over so I couldn't live or breathe without thinking of him (except when I was listening to Fiona). He made me CDs and left them everywhere. In my car, literally dozens. In one of my better moments, I drove by his house and threw them on his lawn.
We started dating right when itunes came out, and he was the first of many ex-whathaveyous to have created their own playlists on my computer, and I keep them all, because,well, I keep everything.
Fiona speaks for herself. I was angry, so was she, we sang together in my Lexus and drove to the gym, the bank, the Macaroni Grill, the strip malls, his place, and back again. Easy as that. Waaa Waa GRRR.
(runners up: Fiest/Let it Die, K's Choice/Paradise in Me)
Imogen Heap, Regina Spektor, Kelly Clarkson, Dolly Parton, Scissor Sisters, Poe, Tears for Fears, Rilo Kiley, Bright Eyes, Patti Smith, Christina Alguilera, The Decemberists, Shivaree, Jeff Buckley, Madonna, Radiohead, Esthero, Rufus Wainwright, Jill Sobule, The Shins, The Roots, The Streets, Phoenix, Frou Frou, The Postal Service, Peaches, Ani DiFranco, Sia, Martin Sexton, Portishead, Massive Attack, Depeche Mode, David Bowie, etc etc etc.
... the only entire albums I can associate with anything that's happened outside of my own earbuds since '03 is Kanye West's "School Spirit," and, um, also, Hav & I really dug the Paris Hilton album. That album was underrated, and you guys can be haters, I don't care, I hate you too.
1: 25/Right Now
Tegan & Sara/The Con, Stars/Set Yourself on Fire
From the August 2007 issue of NYLON magazine:
"I've always called myself a past-addict.
I am always writing about the past and reliving my older relationships but there is also something
really dangerous and kind of terrifying about exploring how you're feeling right now."
-Tegan of Tegan & Sara