Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sunday Top Five: So Hot Right Now, Joan Jett, Sobriety

Sunday Top 5. Yeah, I know it used to be the Sunday Top 10. But it's at least a thousand degrees outside, my stomach hurts, I'm still in cruise-withdrawl mode, and I gotta go to the gym and come back before Fresh Direct gets here!

Did I mention how hot it is? Jesus. I seriously want to die. It's a good thing I usually stay indoors with the other vampires.

But here's five things to be excited about--okay--three things to be excited about, and two things I'd like to bitch about:

5. The new Joan Jett & The Blackhearts album. Though Joan has been a fashion icon for me, I realized I was one of those lame people who had a fashion icon who's music they didn't really listen to. (Most of the music I do listen to is done by musicians who either dress like granola-crunchy-lesbians or like actual pimps, which isn't a good look for me, and granola has more calories than you think, y'all!) She was on the cover of Curve Magazine this month and I thought "nice eyeliner, I gotta get that album." Not only does she play soundbytes of G.W being an idiot (fool me once, etc), but she has hot bi lyrics like "Switch-hitter/you know she plays the field/she ain’t concerned/as long as its real/top bottom/she does either/always in control/she’s a teaser." That's so much better than the retarded poem that opened the dippiest book ever "Bi Any Other Name," which had similar themes.

4. Sobriety.

I was thinking about it. This plan--(no drinking or smoking for a week)--is still in it's earliest stages, and I might not see it to fruition. But I've been feeling like an asshole lately because I don't get the work done that I need to be doing, and I figured that cutting these things out would help reduce the risk of staying up too late and sleeping in. Not that I party very often--in fact, I tend to really "go out" maybe about 2-3 times a month because I Hate Other People--but I drank a lot on the cruise and I've had a drink or a smoke every now and then since so I'm feeling kinda lethargic about it. Then I looked at Getty Images to find a photo of "sobriety." And this is what I got:

That looks awful! I think I'm gonna go have a drink. BRB.
(JK, I never drink/smoke before sunset! Unless it's a really late sunset.)
Exceptions to the no-drink-drug rule: If someone really needs me to smoke/drink with them. I might consider it. But I won't, you know, initiate.

Overheard in New York #1
At the Bedford L Train Stop:
hipster girl #1: Why are all the L train service advisory signs at this station only in Spanish?
hipster girl #2: I guess it affects an area of Brooklyn so far away that the only people who live there speak Spanish?

Overheard in New York #2
In Times Square, circa 11:30pm
homeless heckler man: Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

2. Question of the Day:
Why do people call me, text me, email me or approach me in person to comment on a blog post, but do NOT, in fact, comment on the actual blog post itself, which is what I need to make myself feel popular? I think that's really annoying, and none of you are invited to my party. That's right. No one. And it's gonna be a boy-girl party, and there's gonna be Hi-C, and we're gonna watch 'Dirty Dancing' and you are not, I repeat -- you are NOT invited.

Okay, I love people and I'm a really happy person, especially today.

So now I want to talk about how hot it is.

1. Anywhere But Here
We in Brooklyn are currently under a SEVERE WEATHER ALERT: HEAT ADVISORY. "Temps will climb into the Mid 90's ... combined with humidity will cause the heat index to climb between 100 and 104 degrees."


Places I have been on other July 16ths, which I suspect were more temperate than this beast:

July 16, 2005, NYC
LOW-73, HIGH-84
This, I believe, was the day of the legendary water-boiling conversation with Matty (me:"aren't you going to put a lid the pot?" him:"why?" me:"um, are you kidding?" him:"No." me:"cuz it boils faster?" him:"are you in a hurry? i'm not in a hurry."). Even the water that was (not) boiling in that pot in his (air conditoned) room was not as hot as it is today.

July 16, 2004: NYC
LOW-64, HIGH-78.8
Having a 7th grade moment with the cute boy at Niko's on the Upper West Side (seventh grade because we were punished for "socializing" by asshole manager). The boy's name was Jeremiah, eventually we fell in love. It was very air conditioned in Niko's and as i remember not as hot as it is today.

July 16, 2003: ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN
LOW-55, HIGH-81
Most likely working at the Mac-Shack (air conditioned) and hanging out with Scot (air conditioned). Also it was not as hot as it is today either.

July 16, 2002: ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN
LOW-52, HIGH-90
Even though I may have been either at the dentist or fighting with the hoards of assholes at the Ann Arbor Art Fair, it was still not as hot as it is today.

July 16, 2001: NYC
LOW-63, HIGH-84
According to my records, I made $250 waitressing at the Olive Garden on July 14, and was in the middle of an-all-time social-high of non-stop excitement, fun and new people in NYC. And it was not as hot as it is TODAY!

July 16, 2000: SEATTLE, WA
LOW-52, HIGH-82
I was literally PICKING RASPBERRIES. With Sheetal and Meg. I was visiting Sheetal between my move from NYC to Ann Arbor, and Meg was visiting too. PICKING RASPBERRIES and it was NOT AS HOT as it is TODAY.

July 16, 1999: ANN ARBOR MI
LOW-57, HIGH-90
I was probably working at GapKids, going to the gym, being anorexic, or hanging out with Jake. EVEN if I had been working at GapKids and EVEN if all I'd eaten was a Slim-Fast bar that entire day--it would still be better than here because it was NOT AS HOT AS IT IS TODAY.

I would venture to say that July 16, 1981, when I was still inside my mother's womb, was probably more temperate than today.

This guy is supposed to represent today's weather, but he's full of shit. Seriously, it looks like a photo taken from inside someone's cervix at a guy eating them out and they have a lot of white bushy down-there-hair. I know that's the "dirtiest" thing I've ever said on this blog, but I doubt anyone will make it all the way to this part of the entry anyhow. If you did, and if you are my brother or my mother, I want to say this: "Isn't that what it looks like though? I mean, seriously."


Annie said...

I had the EXACT same conversation with my roommate about the lid on the pot. I was pro-lid; he had no idea why the lid would make a difference.

"I won't initiate." Love it.

marie lyn bernard said...

Yeah obviously I drank at least a bottle of wine yesterday...

but she totally started it.

The first bottle. Then the second bottle was a mutual decision...but you know...