Thursday, June 30, 2011

I Bet You Wish This Was Actually a New Blog Post

It probably seems like I've completely abandoned this blog which is actually not true! People abandon blogs a lot, I realize, and a 6-7 month absence from one's blog (save one night a few months ago when I put up a blog post, went to sleep, woke up and saw that nobody had commented, had a crisis of confidence, and took it down immediately) would suggest that one has abandoned one's blog forever and ever. I haven't. I don't know when exactly I'm going to write something again but I haven't forgotten. Definitely I will write something this year, I promise you that. And I don't make promises I can't keep. It's not like one day I'll delete this blog. So as long as I am alive, the possibility exists that I will begin writing in it every day or every six months or whatever. You never know! The future is a long time, and it's allegedly quite bright.

I wrote a thing on Autostraddle recently that is kinda like things I've written here that you might like. Anyhow I love you all, how are you? I hope you are well. I am well! My work-life (Autostraddle) is insane and hard but also very rewarding spiritually or something. It is just as busy as always but I go to sleep a little after midnight and wake up at 7:30 AM every day, like a real person. Autostraddle is enough insanity for one life so the rest of the parts of my life are much calmer than that otherwise I would explode and die.

I feel like I've lost touch with a lot of people and I realize I don't know how to keep in touch with people I can't touch. I need you here, those I've loved, HERE, in front of me, I need to see you, and when I do we will pick up right where we left off. I think I've lived too many lives. There are all these lists of people I know from different lives.

Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I love you, autowinners.

Also a few people asked me about the first paragraph of my aforementioned deleted blog -- like the little bit of it that came up on google reader? The tease? 'Cause when you clicked on it, it went nowhere, because I'd already deleted the post?


"I want to read the story of the sweet girl named riese," they said. So I think I can give you that. It's from last summer when I think I was talking to Marni on the internet about how I felt really scared about moving to California and that maybe it was all a huge mistake. Then before I went to bed I asked her to tell me a goodnight story, and so she did, and I copy-pasted it onto my desktop stickies thing, and now here it is:
marni: once upon a time there was a sweet girl named riese who lived in a big big city for many years. and she laughed and cried and did lots of writing and some drugs. but one day riese's heart said 'but riese, i miss the trees. and the water.' and riese said, 'me too, little heart.' and so riese decided it was time to take her heart allllll the way to a new, sunny placed called c-a-l-i-f-o-r-n-i-a. while she was getting ready to leave, riese said to her heart, 'but heart, what if this is a mistake? what about all of the things that are here. what about the things that i love.' and riese's heart said, 'the things that are here will remain, and so will your love. and that love will go with you, and i will keep it safe. and we will keep on loving, because i want to keep growing.' 'okay, little heart,' said riese. 'i'm ready.'‬

13 comments:

Isa said...

every 6 months is good enough for me. Even this made me happy! And Autostraddle rocks, of course, so that makes me happy, too. It's all unicorns and rainbows!

Violet K said...

I want to see you in front of me, too! Your words and advice have helped me tremendously. I am very glad you are writing Autostraddle so I can keep in touch with you.

I also get sad when I read peoples' blogs for years and get to know them and then they just quit.

lia said...

i am contemplating moving within the next year. i will be leaving behind everything from the best year i've ever had. marni's story is exactly the kind of story i will be telling myself. i'm glad it worked for you.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

=)

That's all I got.

caitlinmae said...

I'll agree with BK Boy- and I think everyone should tell themselves Marni's story as often as they need a hand to hold or a reminder that it'll all sort itself in the end.

Thanks Riese! Lovely!

blm said...

I randomly checked in and boom, there was a post! Been going through a hard time lately, really hard, and even though I have great family and friends, it's a big comfort to have this and autostraddle to fill those silent voids.

Any way, my way of saying thanks...

Bokolis said...

Also a random checker, and six months isn't enough for me. I can only see certain things with the help of your light- kind of like a blacklight, but more sunshiny and hazy at once.

If you're not posting here, I can only infer that you're harnessing your brilliance and channeling your energy. That is the light.

Bec said...

This is really beautiful.

dewey said...

Im a little late to the party, but hi!!

AK said...

It's good to hear from you Reise. I think about you quite a lot like you were my own family and often wonder how you're doing. You are the only blogger I read who has offered so much of her own life. And nothing bad happened; I mean from sharing so much. Just lots of support. It gave me courage. I'm glad things are quieter in your life now. I'm really impressed with what autostraddle has become.

love,
Amanda

ss said...

Hey, still love this blog, still love autostraddle, still reading, still thinking of you, look very forward to the bright future evoked here in which we are all in the same HERE. Love in the meantime, SS

Anonymous said...

lolin at the "alarms" comments. wonder if you'll see those anytime soon. anyway, just wanted to say love you.

Danielle said...

:) As much as I love Autostraddle, there's nothing quite like an autowin post to make my day/week/month/6 months. Can't wait to read your next post <3